I decided this year I truly love giving better than receiving. I love seeing a hard sought after gift make its receiver smile gleefully. Actually, my most favorite is when the receiver gasps into a giggle because the gift is a surprise but exactly what they wanted! I love opening my presents, don't get me wrong, but I feel more anticipation waiting for others to open their gifts from me! Maybe this is because I want some appreciation or something; but whatever, I still love it!
The reason I say this is because there is this faux-paux which really hurts "fat" girls, or at least self-conscious girls: the clothing item that is too big of a size (ie: one wears an XL and receives a 3XL). Now, one might think this is some version of flattery, but I can't figure out how in my mind. Probably because I am self-conscious. Instead I view it as this: These people see me as fat. The only flattery is when I put on the item and it hangs off my body like a tent. The problem is the perception. Is it a perception I project? Or is it genuinely others perceptions of me? Or is it a lack of time to ask? Or is it just over-sight?
Regardless, I am thankful for the gifts. And I'm thankful for the motivation.
Several years ago, I went on a work mission trip. It is actually the same mission trip I posted about several weeks ago. During this time I was still wearing small t-shirts and weighed probably 165lbs. One evening we were at the showers, and I was changing in the locker room with several women. I was putting on jeans. They questioned me: "Why the heck are you putting on jeans??? It is SO hot outside!" I replied: "I vowed off shorts in 6th grade because I was tired of getting picked on for being heavier than the other girls." One of the women replied: "Oh, yeah, that's difficult! You know, I heard that getting a lap band (stomach stapling) really works!" The other lady chimed it: "Oh, yeah! I had a friend who did that and she lost 100lbs! Maybe that would work for you?"
I was speechless. I called my mom later that evening sobbing. "Mom?! Is this like that movie Shallow Hal? Am I HUGE or something? Am I like 500lbs and I see myself as being 165lbs? Is there something you're not telling me???" I couldn't believe these ladies would honestly suggest lap band procedure for me! If I lost 100lbs I would be extremely sick! What the heck? I still don't understand that.
The redemption of my "Do I look fat in this Christmas" was one of our gifts: an XBox Kinect. My husband and I played it for about an hour before Christmas dinner, sweating our butts off. The best part: I was agile and kept getting high scores. I didn't become too breathless - and definitely not as breathless as I would have several months ago. And what I thought was a horrid part of Kinect: it takes pictures of you as you play the games; it turned out to be enlightening - I looked thinner!
This week I've been slacking, but I will be going to the gym tomorrow and Thursday. Then I will join the resolution crowds January 3rd; pace with them and then let them eat my dust as they break their resolutions and I keep mine going. Because I started my resolution before the New Year began!
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