Excess

Sometimes when life is encroaching on a potentially devastating precipice you really take into account the excess you take for granted. This morning while taking my shower I thought, do I really need the lights on? If I kept the lights off we'll save a little money. I used my Aveeno face wash, which really is expensive when you think about it: $14.00 for soap. Seems excessive.

I've written about this before. Poverty in America is wealthy compared to much of the world. The fact we own a queen sized bed, a twin bed, a crib and a bassinet is million-dollar-luxury. Of course, the queen and twin have belonged to my husband and I since our respective childhoods.

Today my husband and I had our traditional birthday/anniversary/Valentine's celebration. Once a year we have an extravagant lunch at a Brazilian steak house (it's reasonably priced at lunch). And though we are on said precipice, and though I truly hesitated, we decided that you do, truly, only live once. We're also celebrating 5 years. My husband reminded me: 2 years until our bodies suffer a full year of itching. Anyway, at a Brazilian steak house there is typically this incredible salad bar with smoked salmon, cheeses, prosciutto, fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, everything heavenly pretty much. Then, men walk around with sizzling cuts of red-meat on large skewers. They shave off glistening pieces of juicy sirloin, ribeye and filet mignon which you greedily grab with tongs and place onto your plate already teeming with carnivorous goodness. Excess. Glorious excess. We committed the sin of gluttony and ate until our heads were spinning.

We work really hard to be moderate in our spending. In fact, my husband and I have no credit card debt and only a few bills: two cars, insurances, my student loans, our house, and presently medical bills from my pregnancy. We like to a buy a couple big items (couch, dining room set, fridge, TV, etc.) as we need them and pay them off before we buy more. It's great for our credit and keeps us accountable to not purchase in excess. This is the one area I'm proud to say I've always been really disciplined. And it feels so good to pay something off. I imagine it's what I will feel when I successfully lose the weight I hope to. Too bad it's not as easy as simply paying a bill in chunks. And I can do that once a month rather than the tediousness of the gym 3-4 times a week.

All of this to say, sometimes I think God brings me to this precipice over and over and over so that I don't become satisfied in what I feel I need. I think he brings me here time and time again so that I remember what it is like to purge the excess. To remember that simple things like water, electricity, and food shouldn't be taken for granted. To remember that I don't need the newest thing or the more advanced thing or the most efficient thing. What I have is enough: a beautiful kiddo, an incredible husband, a home, and friends and family.

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On a final note, unrelated to excess, I will excessively dote on my husband. He has been working so hard to help around the house as we hunker down into parenthood. He cleans dishes. Does laundry. Carries heavy things for me. Pauses his video games to give kiddo a pacifier. Sits with me and watches my dumb shows. Hugs me when I cry. Makes me laugh. Changes countless poopy diapers. Coos and ooo's and ahh's at baby's adorableness. Saves me from spiders. Dances with me without music. Pinches my butt every time he walks passed me. Puts up with me. I am so glad we've had these past 5 years. They haven't always been easy - God knows we'll debate with a stick even if we completely agree with it - but they've been beautiful blessings. I infinitely love him. I am thankful for his honesty, integrity and strength. There are simply not enough men in the world like him and I hope our kiddo grows into his likeness.