Hunger.

My first thought is: what do I really know of hunger? I think hunger is painful, a grumbling tummy, even an indigestion type feeling in my chest. I get a headache. But... people who actually are starving most likely would give anything for my hunger pains in comparison to their own.

Yet, I will write about my first world hunger as if it were a problem...

My daily points for the past several weeks for Weight Watchers was 28. Yesterday, my husband took me on an super date (which he planned). Breakfast (eggs benedict - my favorite) and then Six Flags. At breakfast I asked for the hollandaise on the side. Good choice! I only had about a tablespoon of that delicious sauce. Then my desire at Six Flags - a caramel apple. I figured, apple - 0 points! Caramel - well I'll figure it out when I get home. :) It's got to be better than an elephant ear or funnel cake, right? (Well, it was... but not by much.) The caramel was between 9 - 13 points.

We walked the whole park. Went on thrill rides, and my favorite part of the whole day: watching people get scared silly by the dressed up ghouls hovering around the park after 5pm. One guy had a chainsaw (without the chain, of course), and he'd rev it by teeny-bopper girls and they would scream and run (and some would cry). Nik and I laughed so hard; I think I almost peed my pants. Poor children.

Well, then we went to dinner. I had kind of decided not to count points.... probably not the best choice. But I got a steak, veggies on the side, and a diet long island iced tea. But we also got chips and queso. And finished with desert.

72 points later, dinner finished, both of us reclining at the restaurant table, hands resting on our happy bellies, I confessed that this was the first time I'd been content and full in over a month and a half. I'd literally been hungry every single day since I start Weight Watchers. In fact, writing this post a day later, my tummy is grumbling reminiscing on our gluttony yesterday.

I come full circle. What do I really know of hunger? We live in a culture of gluttony and instant gratification. In America, we are obese in all realms, not just in body-fat. So, even more of a full circle; I began this blog to chart and track and chronicle my complete repentance: in body and in spirit. I will live with my finite and meager hunger, being mindful of my successful weight loss and being mindful that there are much more acute hunger pangs across our globe.

12!

12 POUNDS DOWN! :D I've never lost more than 10. I'm so happy!

The other day my husband and I went out for a celebratory meal - I'm now transitioning from my old job to my new job (with a two week break). So, anyway, I looked over at myself in the window we were sitting next to and I could tell a difference in the way I looked.

My next goal: 174. My weight when I got married.

The goal after that: What I weighed in college.

The goal after that: What I weighed in high school.

I have about 30 pounds to go.

Woot!

RENT

Ahh. The musical Rent is one of my favorites. I was slightly traumatized the first time I saw it as a Freshman at a relatively conservative Christian liberal-arts college. The scenes I found the most beautiful and moving, captivating humanity in its rawest forms, also made me blush and desire to crawl under my chair in shame for watching, reflecting beauty instead of repulsion. :) But, hey, I'm just liberal that way. Seeing beauty in the mess. (Or I feel much like the God of the book The Shack... either way...)

Rent is the plight of relationships and the realities of just living. Granted, the characters in Rent are dealing with harsher realities than I do. But, it feels like, lately, rent consumes my thoughts.

I accepted a job in a different town. But, we're technically stuck in our current lease. The red tape and the inability to work out a break-your-lease compromise is keeping me up at night. One night, in a fit of stress induced insomnia, I rolled over, sighed, and proclaimed to my husband: 'I think I want to go knock on the apartment managers apartment door, wake her up, and make her sit with me until I'm sleepy because it's her apartment that is keeping me awake.' He laughed, but I don't think he remembers a word I said. (He is sleeping fine these days...)

But, in an unrelated topic, I did want to share that over the past month Weight Watchers has been successful!! I've lost 11 pounds this month as of Sunday, October 14! I weigh in on Sundays. I've been working out when I can, but the job transition has made finding time difficult. The following two weeks, however, I will have off. I plan to buckle down and go in the mornings.

Thanks for continuing to follow this - if you do. Hopefully I'll post much more in the month to come!

Bringing Up the Past

Well, notably, I've been MIA. A dear friend has asked me to update this again.

I don't deal well with guilt. Knowing I hadn't accomplished my original mission with this blog, that I hadn't actually repented :) made me not want to update it. And because I've never really been able to find actual steady accountability in my life, it was natural for me to not "care" about the "accountability" I'd "established" here.

But, Tuesday, September 18 I began Weight Watchers. I kept feeling like following something similar to Weight Watchers is how I started out this endeavour, and it didn't work - it was too long of a process. I get bogged down in foresight. Originally it took 3 months of portion control and busting it at the gym to lose 9 pounds. I was so discouraged.

Then I tried that dumb clean diet. For someone who enjoys food, that is NOT a good choice. It got to the point that I dreaded meal time. For someone who also eats emotionally, it depressed me. That last statement makes me giggle a little. But it was true.

On Sunday, September 16 I weighed myself. 194.2. UGH! And it's almost boot season. Again.

Today was my weigh in, and I'm at 191. My first goal is 182.4.

If I can lose 1 pound every week, that is 52 in a year. 4 pounds a month means 12 pounds by the end of my subscription (although if this works I'll keep it).

The only curve, which is a good curve is this: Nik and I are trying to change a few factors in our lives (namely jobs) so we can start producing little ones. :D I've had multiple successful interviews, and am in the last steps of a few searches. In all honesty, I'd hope to begin trying 6-9 months from now. But, I'm ok to put weight loss on hold in the idea that I can begin again when I'm done.

This week I've been SO happy though. I feel this sudden freedom to eat things I love, but do so smartly. Like, Friday, I indulged in a Smart Ones Mac and Cheese. Not as good as Craft, but Mac and Cheese on a Friday rather than 8 egg whites and lettuce  leaves. I'm relearning treat vs. need. One delicious Weight Watchers ice cream bar vs. 4 scoops of icecream that don't even taste good after the second.

I feel empowered. I feel like I'm doing something wise, that I enjoy, and that I can actually do! Ahh. Being a health freak is not who I am. Did I mention that while I did the clean diet I contemplated what it would be like to climb Mt. Everest? (Probably because that's symbolically/psychologically what I felt following a clean diet was.)

I was bored one day at work, and something about Mt. Everest popped up. So I looked into it. All these completely fit people conquerring this incredible mountain. They ate noting but berries and nuts and pushed their physique to the limits. "I could do that!" I thought triumphantly. And then I read the death statistics. :) Look them up. I'm not a health freak. I would die on that mountain.

The other reason I stopped blogging is someone in my life used my words against me. Because of all my baggage I decided to stop blogging my honesty so that no one could use it against me.

But I am who I am. God has thoroughly reminded me of that over the past month. So, for now, I'm back. Brutally honest. Attempting to repent of a fat lifestyle. And loving more and more my new steps with the God who loves me for me.

Week in Review

Well, after 5 days of eating all the time (but really, surprisingly, I was only ever eating 900-1200 cals a day). But I was eating so much all the time that I was never hungry and had WAY more energy. Now, I get that 900 a day doesn't seem wise, but on the particular diet I'm on, I'm eating a TON of egg whites (very little cals) fruit, veggies, lean chicken, and a TON of water.

Some of the awesome/weird side-effects. I have WAY more energy. Despite the fact I think I went through junk food withdrawal several times. I only drink about half a cup of coffee now (4oz). I feel better now; not as "sick" feeling all the time. I do have gas though (hahaha)... but I'm much more regular; really the gas only happens right after I eat, and it's worse if I add too much salt.

Even my tastes have started to change. On Wednesday, after my workout, I wanted a grape fruit. I was shocked. I've never craved healthy things. Well, ok that's not completely true, I have craved salads before (with buffalo fried chicken on top). :) But a grapefruit? Cold from the fridge. An itty-bitty bit of Truvia on top (less than half a packet). It was SO good. Ate the whole thing. And the juice. It was so sour though that I didn't want more once it was gone. :)

The most difficult part is staying prepped for the next day AND eating every 3 hours. By Wednesday I was SO sick and tired of eating. Next week I'm going to incorporate some other recipes:

• Spaghetti Squash with turkey meat balls and some homemade quick marinara.
• Gazpacho.

That's all I got so far. Everything else is fine. Kinda getting tired of the sweet potatoes though. You can only eat those cold so many times. I may try baking half of one at work... we'll see.

4 pounds in one week is SO good. I'm stoked! Last time it took, what? 3 months of bitter weeping and hard work at the gym and starvation to lose 9.

Try it. I know you'll like it too.

Prepped and Ready to Go

Holy cow. I didn't know this diet would require me to eat a DOZEN egg whites a flipping day. My hubby went to the grocery with me and hugged me in the frozen veggies isle (after we'd finished my list) and said he was proud of me because he wouldn't go this extreme. Hahaha.

Spent an hour roasting sweet taters in about a teaspoon of olive oil. Grilled up some chicken strips (cooking spray used only). Thawed edamame. Steamed green beans. Boiled 18 eggs, pealed, separated (one of them came out bigger and red... it had a baby chicken in it... EWWWWW!!!) :) Seriously though.

I have meals for work for two days. I can't believe I made that much food for only 2 days!! Crazy.

I'm pumped though. Started practicing last week by trying to drink a gallon of water a day by 4pm. Difficult. But I felt great by the end of the week. Ironically I ruined it by drinking a large sweet tea (which I NEVER do... just wanted one). I came back to work and felt awful, so I purged it with water. By 4pm I felt back to normal. Kinda cool.

So, my meal plan for the week has the following options, although, for the sake of ease, I'll probably stick pretty closely to it:

Breakfast, 6:30am
4 scrambled egg whites
2 pieces of whole grain toast
Fruit (either half grapefruit (no sugar or maybe truvia) or a peach)

Snack, 9:30am
4 hard boiled egg whites
1 cup sweet potato

Lunch, 12:30pm
2 grilled chicken strips
1 cup sweet potatoes
1 cup green beans

Snack. 3:30pm
2 grilled chicken strips
1 cup sweet potatoes
1 cup edamame

Snack, 6:30pm
4 scrambled egg whites (if I'm even hungry at this point)
Fruit (strawberries or peach)

Dinner, 8:00pm(ish)
4 or so ounces of 99/1 lean turkey
3 tbsp verde salsa
Salad
2 whole wheat tortillas

Next week I'll branch out a bit. I love love love love roasted veggies, so I'll be doing an assortment next week. I also love rotisery chicken, albiet high in salt, and I love mashed califlower with vinegar. So I'll be incorporating those next week. I'm very excited.

Cheers to something new.

Post Script: Small Steps

Repentance means turning around and going the opposite direction.

Since my post: http://www.repentantfatty.blogspot.com/2011/12/small-steps.html many things have changed. God has been changing me. I think God changes us when we're willing.

I had this moment with God in the car, sometime in late December. I remember praying that I was tired of being who I was. Ironically, I had told people in the past who were constantly cranky and defensive: "Isn't it hard being you?" I felt God asking me the same thing. Isn't it hard being you? Making others angry? Shutting down relationships? Being Miss-cranky-pants all the time?

So, shortly thereafter God began stirring in my heart to make some bigger changes: Spend frequent time in my Word. Reconcile even the toughest situations which you had participation in. Make it a goal to be positive in all your writing on public forums. :) You think I'm kidding, don't you? Seriously.

I had a boss who follows God. He is full of compassion and grace. He is the second most Christ-like person I've ever worked for. And his best Christ-like quality, which Richard Foster would say is WHO he is and not something he DOES, he is humble and doesn't know he is humble. Anyway, this boss said to me something profound several months ago: You cannot forgive something that didn't happen.

I told him, he was right. But that I also know, staying angry at someone, holding a grudge, doesn't actually hurt the person with whom you are angry or hold a grudge. It only hurts you. Much forgiveness has happened in the past six months.

I apologized to two people whom I'd hurt deeply with my words. One was a former co-worker. I am so glad we reconciled. How this started: I felt God urging me to pray for him shortly after I had my moment with God in the car. So I did. It didn't start out bitterly. But it did start out short. "God, be with him." Then it grew to, "God, you love him. So, show Him your love today." Then it grew to: "God, if you love him, so should I." It's funny how small steps become gigantic steps in relationship to an all loving God. The best part is, our reconciliation was a blessing to me. I got to see his new born baby, and see his wife.

Then I began reading this book: Repenting of Religion by Gregory A Boyd. It suggests that we eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil every time we judge someone, and it is this judgment which keeps people away from Jesus. Now, it's much more eloquantly articulated, and a highly recommended read, but God's word through it has been changing me. I've taken Boyd's challenge to start seeing other people - ALL PEOPLE - even those whom I view to be "highly hypocrtical abusers of authority" (as mentioned in my previous "Small Steps" entry in early December), with Christ's love, forgiveness, grace, and compassion. As God worked on my heart I kept feeling Him bring up this situation with another person. Honestly, I felt righteous about the whole situation. (I can justify anything - but I feel most people are talented at justifying their wrong actions.) But, God kept pulling my heart to seek reconciliation. To admit I was wrong (even though I felt very right). So, one day, while getting ready in the morning, I felt God say, 'Do it Now'. So, I stopped myself mid-hair brush stroke, and made contact with this person and sought reconciliation.

There is a difference in doing these things because I am obligated to do them. If I tell my husband this: "I love because I am obligated to by our marriage vows." Does he feel loved? If I tell God, "I will seek reconciliation because I am obligated to." am I authentically seeking reconciliation for the reasons God has for me? Why does Martha neglect spending time with Jesus? Because she has cultural obligations. Who else is going to prepare the meal and clean up if she doesn't do it? But Mary sees time with Jesus as more important than the obligation. Obligations will get done. But what is greater?

This week I will begin a clean diet. And this week I'll be going back to gym.

Can't is a Viable Reason.

Shortly after my last post I came down with severe allergies / sinus drainage / sore throat. And this has continued until today. Went to Urgent Care twice (no primary physician just yet), have been loaded with steroids, with no success. So, tomorrow I will see an ENT. I also haven't been able to sing. It's killing me. (Actually makes me feel so purposeless - without my voice I feel I have nothing; no career path, no motivation, no joy.) I'm terrified I have something wrong with my vocal cords. Petrified. Paralyzed.

So, all my weight is back on. I haven't been able to breathe, and therefore I haven't been to the gym. I haven't weighed myself. I'm afraid to. My clothing still fits. Relatively.

I just feel very discouraged. And "can't" is actually viable. I could have gone. Yeah. And choked on my drainage. Could have been entertaining I suppose.

I've been thinking a lot about what defines us. It frustrates me that something I rely on to make me actually feel worth anything is not functioning. At least when all the shit-hit-the-fan I could sing and feel confident, pretty, joyful, full of life. But now I can't do that. It breaks my heart.

It's alway something other than Christ.

Body image. Singing. Guitar playing. If only I had a better body. If only I could sing. If only I could play mad riffs and lead worship with the cool male worship leaders. Then people would hold me in high regard. I would be something special. I want to be special. I want to be respected. I don't want to have to pay dues anymore.

But more than anything, I'm desperate for my voice. Desperate. Please God. Please.

New Motivation

Well, I think I'm going to be able to take some vacation this year. My first goal is to feel better about going to the beach in June or July. Need to get on that... Been sick for the past two weeks. Not sick enough to not go to work but sick enough to make my vocal cords really weak. (This month I have a TON of singing engagements. Every weekend is "booked".)

My second goal is my cousin's wedding which I hope to attend in September. As I've written previously, I want to feel pretty again. So, I'd like to be able to wear some new clothing come September, including a pretty dress at her wedding. Plus, looking better, fitter, would be an added bonus.

My second goal I think is the most motivating. It means I need to add some strength training into my routine, which I've been intending to do. Also, I've decided, on the days I have absolutely nothing going on after my work out, I'm going to go 45 minutes. This is gauranteed to get me over 600 calories per work out.

Over the past two weeks, I've been doing much better at curbing my junk food intake. I had some relapses around my birthday and anniversary.

But right now I'm super tired. I hate being sick, but not sick enough to stay home from work. Maybe if my job was strenuous I'd have a reason... Sleep is so essential. I love sleep. Last week I had a rehearsal in the evening, after a meeting, after work. I had woken up at 6:00am and didn't go to bed until 10:30pm. I worked 12 hours. I hadn't pulled 12 hours of work since my last job. And in that job I was pulling 12 hour days at least 4 days a week. I remember being irritable, defensive, wiped out, sick, tired, moody, unable to think clearly most of the time. My body took two days to recover from my event last week. 2 entire days!! Rest is essential. God didn't intend for us to burn ourselves out.

The more I do this fitness stuff the more I strongly believe anything in excess isn't good. Food in excess makes us fat. Sleep in excess makes us lazy. Lack of sleep in excess makes us grumpy. Alcohol in excess makes us not only intoxicated but stupid; it also damages your body (of course). Fitness in excess ruins your body; your bones become weak, you need joint replacements... etc. Taking care of the body God gave us is so important.

Last note: for Lent I've decided not to fast from anything. I think I've been depriving myself for a good portion of my life. So, I've been adding quiet time. Just 15-20 minutes a day, intentionally observing sunset. The interesting thing to me is this: when I look away for a second, the sky changes. Beautiful colors that were there just a moment ago turn to gray so quickly. I think I've been focusing to much on myself and not on Christ, and not on the moments of my life which are good. In the same way I look at the sunset, may I keep my eyes on Christ so I won't miss all the beautiful things he is showing me.

Sunset from my balcony.

Gilt

I fell off the band-wagon. ::Sigh::

I just get so busy and overwhelmed with the depth of things that must be accomplished, going to the gym stresses me out. I suppose it shouldn't be that way; last week I saw a pinterest pin that said: my health/diet/exercise routine is my relationship with my body. How much time do I invest in that relationship? That whole thing irked me. But I'm getting over it. :)

I saw this on pinterest today: some these girls, in my opinion, looked fine to begin with, but the effort they gave to make themselves fit is really something to be proud of. The girl in the 3rd picture looks like how I want to feel. She just seems happy.

Maybe she's happy because she lost weight; maybe it was just a lovely day. Body is just something I don't want to have to worry about. One less detail to trouble myself over.

I also notice the dates: most of these body transformations took 2 or so years. I've only committed to a year and I haven't even be able to hold to my resolve like I'd hoped. But that's really my pattern - I don't do "routine" well. Even if I "switch up" my exercise, I still have to exercise - which to me, is a routine.

The gym and the effort and the strive to get fit is not gilted, but the results are!! I want to feel gilty! ;) I want to feel that golden, joyful, whole feeling. And I think getting healthy will aid that.

God has been doing some good work in me. I feel stronger, more mature, and self-confident. I feel more confident in my stronger, different walk with Him. I stand up for myself. I speak truth.

But, I want to feel the joy of accomplishment.

So, this week I will be at the gym.

Finally.

Skirt!

Well, when I got "fat" I stopped wearing pretty things. I never felt pretty enough. And then under my skirt I would wear those horrid squeeze-everything-in-and-prevent-thighs-from-chaffing things.

Today, being my birthday, I decided to wear something pretty. AND IT LOOKS GOOD! And I'm not wearing one of those awful contraptions mentioned above.

I feel better. And pretty. Thank God.

I resolve:

To go to the gym 4 days next week.

Faith

Faith is believing in what you cannot see. You know the wind is there because you can see the trees moving and feel your hair sweep away from your skin, but you can't actually see the wind.

Well, I cannot see results. My tummy is still flabby. I still have dimples on my bum. Everything jiggles. Nothing is "tighter". And my arms - the part I hate the most over the past two years, still look as huge as small girl thighs. But, randomly this morning I was thinking about my spring jacket. Several months ago it was super tight in my arms. Today, it wasn't. In fact, it was a little loose.

Faith is believing in what you cannot see. Should it take this much faith to believe I'm losing weight / inches, etc? I'm still thinking I need to see if a doctor can give me something to aid my efforts. But, admittedly, I'm not diving off the fanatical healthy-person cliff in my efforts.

Thursday, February 2, at 3:45pm I will turn 29. Still in my 20s feels good to say. And I'm still thankful a year is a long time - I hear when you get older it goes much faster. I guess you have more details to lose yourself in. Sunday, February 12, at 5:00pm I will have been married to my sweetie for 1 year. <3 Both of these events will be celebrated with cake. I have faith it will taste wonderful.

Faith is trusting that this year will be a good year. Faith is trusting. Trust is an issue for me. But, this entry is about faith, so I will digress.

I'm baaaaack!

Hi.

Sorry it's been a while.

The other day at the gym, I was on the elliptical, 20 resistance (the highest the machine will go), pushing it, sweating, and I see this guy leaving the gym and he noticably turned around to look at me. He didn't shudder, like I assume all men will do when looking at me (even my own husband), he just grinned and nodded. I was like, "Oh Yeah! I still got it! I'm hot stuff!" Baaahahaha. Apparently some older lady tried to set my husband up with her niece that same day, not realizing he is married, so I didn't feel so bad telling him that story.

But, yeah, that was definitely some good motivation. I think it means I'm on the right track. My other motivator is the fact I lost an inch in my calves. I just keeping thinking: I wonder how many more inches I can lose!

I'm back on the "eating healthy" band-wagon. But trying not to be so hard on myself. I've learned the harder I am on myself, the more guilt I project on myself, the more I binge eat and refuse to go to the gym. I don't like being forced or guilted. In fact, my body and mind stand boldly in opposition to it. Recently, the conflicts I've had with others have been over that exact thing: don't demand, don't force, don't use guilt, because I will become hostile to it. I refuse to stand for it.

And even that last paragraph has been motivating me to really "pound the pavement" during my work outs.

Enough said.

Keep busting it! You deserve to have a body that is healthy!

Slimming

Well, I am terrified to weigh back in after the holidays. What I can say is that I am back into a 10. And my "muffin-top" is definitely going down. Mom and Dad also noted that my face looks better. I feel better. I am very glad I took a break, but it's "time to get off my fat ass and exercise". That's my new slogan, by the way. I would be a dynamic motivational speaker.

Oh, I also determined I have a girl crush. Jennifer Hudson.

Jennifer Hudson

Admittedly, she's one of my inspirations at this point. I definitely want to maintain my "curves". That is actually vital, in my opinion. I think runners are beautiful, but I rather love my fabulously big butt - and so does my husband. Note: I am not saying Jennifer Hudson has a big butt, but she looks more like Marilyn Monroe than a holocaust victim. I'm also not saying runners look like holocaust victims.

Ok, I fear, I'm getting off track. When I was a little girl, I grew up on Gone with the Wind and White Christmas. Even the petite dancers were dressed to be curvy. The goal was a bust proportionate to hips and a tiny waist. And that is has always been my ideal.

Plus, she always has such cute clothing. And we sing.

My husband has a man crush on Justin Timberlake. Because of SNL. I kind of do too.

I digress.

Hiatus

So, something I've noticed when it comes to squeezing in even a half hour of fitness (although really, it's probably 50 minutes because there are the clothing-change time and the commute time to consider) I end up getting frenzied and panicked because I have SO MANY other things to do. This is why fitness is not the standard for the poor man. Who has time? And this whole "make time" thing is garbage. If I could make time, I would be a billionaire.

Regardless, during the holidays I took a hiatus from the gym because I simply had much too much on my plate. I would work 8 hours, get home and work until 10:00pm trying just to get our house clean for my parents who visited for several days. It's been almost two weeks and I still don't have the whole apartment clean. But that's another topic for another rant for another day.

Not to mention all the other things that are piling up piling up piling up. Need to get glasses; been WAY too long, I can barely see now. Need to get bills straightened out. Need to work on Emmaus music. Need to get my prescription meds mail ordered ASAP. There are only so many hours in a day.

I realize these are excuses. But because I have slight OCD, I stress out over my list of things to be done. Not to mention the weekly list: Cook dinner, clean up after dinner. Do the dishes. Make my lunch and coffee. Take care of the pets. Do the laundry. Fold the laundry. Vacuum. Dust. Take the trash out. Go buy water. Go to the grocery store. Sex. Clean the toilets. Clean up the not-thrown-away q-tips, wrappers, and food from last night (all my husband's). Collect all the dishes strewn in various locations. It is so darned difficult to maintain it all. And then to think if I go work out it means all of that stuff either waits until I get home or it doesn't get done. And because of the OCD the latter option makes me crazy. So, I do the chores. And I hate my life a little more daily.

But, lovely enough, my mother-in-law gave me chromium picolinate for Christmas. I've been taking it since Dec. 26th and I can tell a difference - it's awesome! Chromium picolinate works together with insulin produced by the pancreas to metabolize carbohydrates (Read more). I am, for the record, NOT giving up the gym, but out of necessity and my sanity this has been a good couple weeks.

Lastly in my fitness update: when I began this journey one of my goals, as described in previous installments, was to own and be able to wear sexy riding boots. When I measured my calves originally they were 18" exactly, (which is the beginning of "plus-sized" boots). I measured again this past weekend and they were 17.5"!! Yay! Today I am also wearing a top I haven't worn since 2009!

So, happy New Year! And may you find yourself able to take a guilt-free hiatus too!

Blessings!